Cowgirl Yogi

"why is that lady touching me?" a hear a whisper from the back of a crowed yoga room.  a whisper back- "she's just giving you an adjustment, aren't they great?"  "what was it supposed to do?"  Now let's ignore the two coffee chatters in the yoga class (one of my giant pet peeves, worth 3 rants and at least one chapter in a book, so we will put a pin in it for now)  but Chatty Kathy has a point, why is that lady touching me?  Now I love a good sacrum press in child's pose as much as the next yogi,  note I said I love a GOOD sacrum press.  I have been told by other yoga teachers  that there are some adjustments, "you just can't do wrong!"  oh would that that were true!  the yoga world would be such a shiny happy place!  as it is, I have been on the receiving end of a not so good adjustment countless times and on the receiving end of a down right horrible, holy crap what the fuck did you just do to me "adjustment...

Anybody wanna learn some yoga?  I got some yoga over here! Great yoga! Moving and breathing and smiling and loving yourself just like you are kinda yoga!  This is premium shit! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?   Good lord the yoga teacher hustle is exhausting.  I’m sure anyone who works freelance can feel me here.  I absolutely love what I do and I believe that I am walking my path.  And I know lord Ganesh is playing hide and seek right around the corner and he is going to stomp all over some mother fucking obstacles.  Any minute now.   Any minute . . . now!    Any minute. This is a difficult line to walk.  I just want to be able to practice my craft, but in order for me to be able to do that I have to do things like “network”, and I am now one of those phone people, constantly glued to it in case there’s a last minute cry for a sub.   I need to teach to live.  Not just because I am...

This special recipe should only be used under strict supervision by a loving partner or an extra friendly bartender. to kill a good yoga buzz: take 1 part - realizing your yoga class went a solid 12 minutes past the hour. you are now going to be late to pick up your child. awesome, breathe, call kids yoga studio and explain. add equal parts - catch every red light on the way to pick up child, with being cut off by a psycho talking on her cell phone while driving giant SUVs - twice.   shake to combine. normally this might be enough to kill your average yoga buzz, but we are talking about a really high quality buzz so you will need to add the following: 1 part - Your child screaming for treats from the back seat all the way up the highway mix well with 2 parts - after you give your child her water bottle she throws it hitting you in the arm and spilling water everywhere add 4 parts giant screaming phone argument with your partner over absolutely nothing. decide you need coffee. as ...

No actual yogis were harmed in the writing of this post.  Aaaaaahhhhh .  This is awesome.  Inhale. Exhale. Inhale exhale. Inh- did that lady just moan again?  What's up with that? Exhale. I'm so glad I got to practice today.  I wonder what I should have for dinner.  Ah,   now now monkey brain bring it back. Inhale exhale breath in breath   out.  Mmmmm .  Did the teacher just tell me to undulate my  prana ?  What   does that even mean? Okay,  prana . Undulate! Oh shit. don't laugh don't laugh don't . . . exhale  Breath in breath out. In out in out in out.  You are out! I  wonder if I'll get to watch project runway this week. I missed last  week. Who got kicked off?  Good job monkey brain!! Got me again.    Breathe baby.  Just breathe. Brea… what the hell does that lady keep   moaning for?!? What is going on over there? It sounds like sex moans!   Is she aware ...

I just read two things that blew my mind.  One was yet another response to the Equinox yoga video.  You know the one with the adorable girl in a tiny hot yoga outfit being all badass, which for some reason has caused all this stir.  It was about how, most modern yogi's don't look like that, and can't we celebrate a different body type for once? Yes, but I think you missed the point sister. We'll get to that in a minute.  The other was a collection of vintage ads for weight gain supplements.  For ladies.  Weight GAIN. Supplements.  With which one would gain weight on purpose.  Which was supposedly a better time than now. Back then everyone wanted to be Marilyn, but not everybody was so they took weird pills. Now everyone wants to be twiggy but not everyone is so we take wired pills.  Frankly I don't see a bit of difference. How the heck did we get here?  Why can't we just let skinny girls be skinny, and curvy girls be curvy?  Why ar...

There's a sketch from a wonderful little MTV show from back in the day called "The State".  It's a mock roundtable discussion entitled "what Is Art?"  there's this ridiculous set up of funny pretentious artists types all there to discuss the topic. and then it goes a little something like this:  (very serious pretentious voice) - "what. is. art?"   "um, like paintings and stuff?" "yes, goodnight!"  This has been running on repeat through my head all day long.  Just replace the word "art" with the word "yoga" and you'll have it.    Yoga- (yes that's a capital Y) - is the calming of the whirlpools of the mind. the stripping away of the layers of false identity to arrive at the realization of your true nature. your true nature is the light that created the entire universe. Yoga. capital Y yoga - (lowercase y) - like postures and stuff? yes, goodnight!   I have been told countless times that my ...